“Parking Lot Etiquette” and “Wal Mart is NOT a Daycare”

 Ahh…the parking lot.  No place irritates me more.  OK…lots of places irritate me more but, for the sake of this rant, I’ll concentrate on this one.

People, what is it with waiting on parking spots?  I’m not talking about for a minute or so while someone backs out of the spot.  I’m talking about sitting there holding up traffic for five minutes or so while you wait on the guy to unlock his car and unload his full cart, then go put up his cart (or not…more on this in a sec). 

Now you’ve got fifteen cars backed up behind you which has turned into a mini traffic jam because some other idiot didn’t realize what was going on and tried to turn down that aisle only to get stuck halfway out in the intersection.  This, in turn, blocks off the intersection and backs up traffic in the other directions.  Congratulations asshole, you’ve just caused a parking lot gridlock. 

And WHY??  Is it because your lazy ass can’t walk an extra fifty feet?  Maybe that would do you some good.  Put down the CrackDonald’s fat burger and walk your Orca self up to the door and maybe you wouldn’t have to ride around on that motorized cart (which is only rated for about 300 lbs, by the way).

 I tell you what…if you just insist on getting that prime parking lot real estate, why don’t you pull to one side so that other cars can go around you?  I promise you, no one is going to come around you and sneak into your precious parking spot.

Now….about that shopping cart the guy was putting up.  I spent quite a bit of money putting my car in the shop to take out two door dings last year.  You might say “it’s going to happen”.  You would be right, the question is “why?”.  Because people are inconsiderate, lazy asshats.  It’s caused by people who can’t park, don’t care about anyone else’s shit, let their doors rest on other people’s cars, and…don’t put their shopping carts up.  I’ve lost count of how many people just roll one to the side when they’re done with them.  Then the wind catches them and rolls them into MY car.  Thanks.  What gets me is the fact that, in most cases, the little cart thingy is only about 20 feet away.  Again….walk your lazy ass over there and put it up.  Yes, I’m talking to you.

Moving on through the perilous mine field that is the parking lot, I’ve noticed that there is a certain group of people who insist on pulling through a diagonal parking spot.  That’s fine except that, when you pull out, you’re going the wrong freaking way idiot.  Be warned, if you do this to me, I won’t move over to let you by.  Just back yourself back the way you came.  Also, keep in mind that I’m armed should you decide to get out of your car and “show me”.

This really only bothers me while you're sitting still....stop, you make me nervous.

Another group I have issues with is the crowd that likes to cut across a parking lot.  I’m not talking about cutting across aisles out at the end of the lot where there aren’t any other cars and you can actually see and be seen, I’m talking about the ones that insist on doing it at the very edge of a row of cars and zip through.  I’ve noticed that most are in their early 50’s, drive looking straight ahead oblivious to anything else, and do the whole “10 and 2” thing.  I’m beginning to think it was something in drivers ed back then….drive like you’re the only one on the road.  I like to scare these people.  They obviously don’t see me coming and I run right up on them like I’m going to broadside them. 

There's this thing called "right of way"...maybe you've heard of it.

They usually notice me when I’m about ten feet from them laying on the horn.  The funny thing is they ALWAYS get angry at me…..why?? Idiot, you just ran out in front of me. 

             My next issue isn’t with drivers, but with pedestrians.  Of course, they’re probably the same ones that just cut across the parking lot in front of me so they could hold up traffic waiting on a parking spot for three hours, then pull through so that they’ll be driving the wrong way down the aisle right after they left their shopping cart sitting behind my car to put dents in it.  Unless you get dropped off at the front door, it’s kind of hard to get from the parking lot into the building without crossing traffic.  It irritates me to no end when I’m driving across…let’s say Wally World and I stop to let people walk across the cross walk in front of me.  I don’t expect them to run, but at least get the lead out.  Just because the stripes on the road are painted diagonally doesn’t mean you have to walk that way.  Walk straight across the damned road and get out of the way.  Geeze.

Moving on into Wally World, I’ve noticed that there’s a certain….type of people who frequent this store.  All one has to do is check out people of walmart dot coooooooom .  (Sorry…Expedia flashback there).  Granted, that’s only a small part of the clientel, but it seems they’re the only ones I ever notice.  This type of people is the one that tears shit up just to tear it up.  Really people, if you decide you don’t want that ice cream sandwich, walk your happy ass back to the frozen aisle and put it up.  Don’t stick it in the magazine rack at the check out.  I’ve lost count of the number of steaks and hamburger I’ve seen sitting next to the National Inquirer over the years.  If I were visiting your house and left my melting ice cream on the back of your couch, you’d probably be a little pissed.  Whatever happened to “you break it, you buy it”?

Speaking of tearing up things, have you ever seen the Wal Mart Halloween aisle?  That place is a disaster.  I couldn’t even begin to think about letting a kid of mine take things off the shelf and repeatedly throw them on the ground.  But they do and that’s even assuming that the kid is supervised at all.  This is NOT a daycare.  You don’t just walk in and have little Bubba Joe Jim Bob amuse himself while you go check out the electronics section for copies of Talladega Nights. How many times have you been past the toy section at Wally World (I know you have, I’ve seen you on that website…freak) and seen half a dozen kids playing in the aisles with no adult in sight?  Hope there aren’t any pedophiles out there just waiting for a victim…oh wait, there are.  I’ve actually grabbed a phone on a pole in the department (probably why I haven’t seen them there in a while) and hit intercom and made an announcement that any unattended children left in the toy department will be turned over to the police….then quickly walked away before anyone saw who did it. 

Anyway…I think I’m done for now.

Rant over.....I'm thinking we need a little more chlorine in the gene pool.