Workplace manners….you ARE in public.

Everybody has that one coworker that just drives them nuts. You know the one. The one that sits with the bag of sunflower seeds and spits in the trash can next to you or the one that makes that clicking sound with his tongue all the time. Then there’s the one that refuses to cover their mouth and sneezes and hacks all over everything. Well, in my case I guess that’s most of them.

My real issue is that some of my coworkers exhibit behavior that I don’t consider appropriate. There are some things that one doesn’t do in public. For instance, if someone sat at the table next to me at a

restaurant and hiked their leg two or three times to let one rip, I’d probably get thrown out after I whipped their ass. The response I normally get is along the lines of “it’s not in public, it’s at work”. I suppose it’s just me, but I don’t consider the workplace a private setting. I don’t live with you, you aren’t related to me, and you don’t live here.  If you wouldn’t do it at a restaurant, don’t do it at the office.

We’ve got a guy at work that has a routine. It goes something like: open door, take three steps inside, proceed to shit down pants leg, get stupid grin. And this guys in his 40’s. Come on, sometimes things just slip out, but when you lean to one side and half pick up your leg to blow mud several more times it’s disgusting and definitely not an accident. And several of the guys at the office will actually lean over and make a point of being as loud as possible with it. Take that shit (pardon the pun) somewhere else…like a deserted forest. On second thought, don’t. There might be some cute and fluffy animal you could scar for life and I’d hate to have to call PETA because you were torturing a bunny.

Just look at that…do you really want to be responsible for gassing fluffy here?

Those same guys are the ones who also like to belch as loud as they can, as often as they can.  There’s just a serious lack of class and, quite frankly, it’s a little on the rude side most places.

Moving on to my next workplace pet peeve…the workplace refrigerator.  Just about anyone who’s worked in a larger office will know what I’m talking about.  There must be an unwritten law somewhere that states that people should bring a bag full of food to work, eat a little of it, then leave it there for a month or two in a tied up plastic Wal-Mart bag until it turns into a liquid mass of rotting…stuff.  There’s nothing quite like getting drafted to clean the thing (often only after someone in charge opens it to find over a year of crap rotting inside it).  OK, I’ve left stuff in there before and forgotten about it too.  But, seriously, I think some people open the door a week later, see the food they left, and say “oh…that’s where I left it” and close the door.  Repeat again in another week.

I guess that boils down to just not caring because it’s not yours.  At least, I hope that’s what it is.  If it isn’t, remind me never to eat anything from or at your house.  These are probably the same people who piss on the bathroom floors (see my public bathroom rant).  Anyway, I’ll go to another topic before I get irritated.

Bluetooth headsets…yes, you look ridiculous.  You’ve seen them.  You probably even have one.  My car has Bluetooth and I use it for phone calls if I’m in the car.  It’s convenient and keeps…wait for it…your hands free.  That’s probably why they call it a hands free device…might be handy for when you have to do something like…I don’t know…use your damned blinker (but that’s part of another rant).  Before I got this car I used to use an earpiece while I was driving.  Then, I’d leave it in the car…didn’t need it anymore.

Now, how many of you have been rolling along in the grocery store or just anywhere in general and someone walks by you with their hands in their pockets and asks you something?  You answer or ask them to repeat themselves and they just keep walking.

It’s at this point you realize it’s some idiot with their Borg headset on trying to look trendy / important / too lazy to hold the phone / whatever, being totally oblivious to whatever you just said to them.  Kind of makes you feel like an ass for a few minutes.  People, you look a little stupid walking around talking to yourselves.  Stop it immediately.

The same goes for those Nextel direct connect phones.  Look, nobody wants to hear both sides of your conversation.  There’s a little button on the phone that lets you use it like a …. phone (GASP!!).  What is the mentality behind this?  “Look at me, I’ve got a walkie-talkie phone!”  And…your point is what exactly?  Fisher Price has been making them for years.

We’ve got a guy at the office who does this…the very same I’ve been giving a hard time to this entire rant (surprising, huh?).  His latest trend and, I’m guessing that his BorgSet must have died recently as he hasn’t been using it, is to walk around holding his phone in front of him talking on speaker to everyone.  Again, nobody really wants to hear both sides of your conversation.  I can only assume that he has some form of allergy that prevents his ear from making contact with a phone.  I would seriously hate for his head to swell up and explode if this were to happen and I don’t believe our insurance would cover it.  I might have to make him some kind of protective device.  Out of genuine concern, of course.


2 responses to “Workplace manners….you ARE in public.

  1. I’m going to take a wild guess here… there are no women in your workplace. Hire a woman and you will solve at least some of the problems. It’s not so much that they don’t think they’re in a public place, as much as they think that since it’s all guys, it doesn’t matter.

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