Public Restrooms

If there’s one thing that irritates me, ok..there’s a lot of things that irritate me but, for this week, we’re going to concentrate on one…and that’s having to stand in a stinky puddle of someone’s stale piss in a public bathroom.

For those of you not familiar with the concept of the urinal, the basic idea is that you walk up to it, whip it out, and go about your business. When done one zips it up and walks away. That’s great for those of us who find it horribly inconvenient to have to actually sit down and *gasp* deal with a toilet seat.

Then there’s that whole public restroom phobia of sitting on a toilet seat where, in most likelihood, some fat nasty person with hemorrhoids has been sitting there reading a magazine for the last three hours…you laugh, but we have one in the office next door at work who spends about that much time in there…daily. This is probably why there’s such a market for “ass gaskets”.

Anyway, back to the point. All urinals have a basin of sorts that protrude out of the bottom a few inches. This is designed to catch all the little dribbles. In theory, this should eliminate these little offerings left so often on the floors in front of them. For some strange reason, however, there are a large number of people who can’t seem to get this concept. I know this from the countless times I’ve walked up to one that hasn’t been freshly mopped and had to straddle the little puddle so I don’t get it all over my shoes all the while trying to hold my breath.

Something to note here…piss stinks and it’s sticky. If you don’t believe me, squirt a little on your bathroom floor and let it dry. I bet you wouldn’t leave it there for long. That just means that people are really inconsiderate (which will be a whole topic or two by itself) and don’t care if they don’t have to clean it up.

So, guys (and gals that like to pee standing up, I guess), you see the little trough with the drain in it? Why don’t you try standing with the end of your thingy OVER that. I guess I’m going to have to be the one to break it to you….you’ve been lied to. Whether it’s some kind of delusion you’re having or someone is giving you this information…it’s all been a lie. IT IS NOT AS LONG AS YOU SEEM TO THINK IT IS! Stand closer and quit peeing on the floor.

This brings me to another issue. FLUSH THE DAMNED TOILET. Almost as bad as the smell of someone marking their territory on the floor is that of stagnant urine in the toilet. You see the little silver handle on top? That makes it flush. Chances are, if it has one of these devices, it ISN’T auto flushing.

I swear, I’m beginning to think that they should just replace all of the public restroomswith fire hydrants. That way people could just come by and lift their leg when they have to go. At least the janitor would get a break.

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